


It was a good thing they never asked. (Wasn't it?)

by mysongx4u



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Guilt, Hurt Scott McCall, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Bromance, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Scott McCall Needs a Hug, Season 5 Spoilers, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts, The Last Chimera, im so terrible with titles sorry lol, not sure what else to tag it haha, s05e11, scott McCall centric, scott mccall's thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 17:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5675293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysongx4u/pseuds/mysongx4u
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott tries to imagine a conversation with Stiles to distract himself. </p><p>It doesn’t work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was a good thing they never asked. (Wasn't it?)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first try at like a drabble self reflection fanfiction. Its my first post on AO3 so I hope I put in all the correct tags (also I don't have a beta so sorry for any mistakes in advance). I also apologize for the terrible title, I suck at tiles in general lol.

No one asked.

Scott would guess it was because they just assumed he didn't remember or didn't want to talk about it.

_Or they didn't care._

No. He couldn't think like that, couldn't let himself drown in self pity.

_“You'll heal.”_

Stiles was so bitter, so angry. Scott couldn't blame him though, he should never of trusted Theo.

But still, he wished they could make up quickly just so he could talk to Stiles about how weird it all was.

But not the dying part.

Scott would start with telling him how Allison's words made more sense then ever to him now.

_“It doesn't hurt.”_

_"Its okay."_

He had felt okay.

Deserving of his fate,

It was only once he got settled down after coming back that after thoughts set in.

How could he possibly think that?

Then Scott would explain how he realized why. How he was the one who always pulled them into this world full of deadly monsters.

Stiles, Malia, Kira, Lydia and Liam.

His pack.

Or what was left of it.

So many thoughts had filled his mind that at the moment back then he hadn't realized how much they hurt until rethinking them.

**_Would Allison have lived if he had broken it off with her after finding out her dad was a hunter?_ **

_Would her mother still have survived?_

_Would her family be whole?_

_Would the Alpha Pack have come to Beacon Hills if it weren't for him?_

_Would Derek be an alpha?_

_Would Erica and Boyd have died? Would the two of them and Isaac even be werewolves?_

_Would Jackson have become the Kanima and murdered so many people?_

_Would Lydia ever of unlocked her abilities?_

_**What would of Peter Hale done if he hadn't bitten Scott McCall?** _

_Would Peter have bitten Stiles instead?_

_Would Stiles even have gone out into the woods without him?_

_Would Stiles **be** Stiles without him?_

**_Would Beacon Hills be a better place if Scott McCall wasn't there?_ **

In the end all this had done was give him a headache.

Scott wasn't narcissistic, he knew he wasn't responsible for all the calamity in their lives.

At each and every point of strife he had done all he could do to help.

And yet, in that moment,all those things were his fault and him dying would somehow help things.

It would've made things easier.

But feeling that wasn't the weirdest part.

He could picture Stiles staring at him, over dramatically. Probably call him a dumb ass or something before urging him on.

Scott would say how the weirdest part had been that he felt more terror the moment Stiles charged at him then when he had died.

He couldn't think of the face Stiles would make at that point because if he were able to talk to him then it would never of happened at all. At least he hoped.

Scott would describe how it felt like his lungs were burning, his insides were on fire. Things were happening so fast and he felt like he couldn't breath.

Then there was also a moment, so small, but a moment where he didn't _want_ to breath.

Would he have been able to admit that out loud if they could talk?

If he told Stiles now would the other even care?

Scott knew it was stupid and wrong and dumb and he shouldn't ever think that when he knew his pack needed him.

_But did they?_

And those thoughts refused to stop. No matter how hard he tried the thoughts repeatedly occured.

That's why he needed to imagine talking to Stiles.

It was easier then listening to them.

Otherwise the thoughts wouldn't shut up.

Scott had been more scared when Stiles had slammed into him then when he had died.

More sick to his stomach when Theo questioned if he was truly Stiles's best friend and the other hadn't reacted, not really.

_(Was he?)_

When Malia had shrugged him off he felt kicked, stupid too. Because dying shouldn't have alerted him to the trouble his friend was going through. He saw her distress and could tell something was off, he should of known weeks ago and he didn't.

_That wasn't right._

He cared more about when Stiles had said the words ' _You'll heal_ ' then when he died.

He would not be able to admit that part to Stiles. He would not be able to let his friend know that because there was only two reactions he could think of.

One where Stiles felt guilty.

Or one where he didn't care.

Scott hated them both.

Stiles's bitter words were more painful then Theo's claws in him.

Scott knew that wasn't right. Being more hurt by words then dying wasn't right and wasn't healthy.

_(Not that being hurt by words was wrong, but dying was much worse. At least it should of been.)_

Not telling anyone how he had passed out wasn't healthy.

If they were on good terms would he have told Stiles?

He could pass out again, maybe while he's driving or in the middle of a fight.

_(And he got into so many of those.)_

The wound wasn't healing, he should of mentioned that too.

He didn't last time but he hadn't known then, not really. Stiles had been there then, it was him, Allison and Lydia who saved Scott that long time ago. But Lydia was catatonic now, Allison was dead and Stiles... Stiles wasn't there.

And Scott didn't blame him, things changed.

Last time it happened was because of Derek's 'death'. But this time it was different, because this time it actually was his fault.

Would Stiles agree to that though?

_Yes._

There, that was another reason to keep quiet.

Because hearing those words would hurt too much.

And every time he thought about telling anyone the words 'Not yet' sprung to mind. Because then it would get back to Stiles and he didn't know if he could take it if Stiles didn't care.

Plus everyone had so much to deal with already.

There was barely a moment where something wasn't happening, no one needed to add this to their ever lasting list of problems.

_That wasn't right._

Because the injury might get him killed _(again.)_

But letting himself listen to those excuses was easier.

There was also one more thing.

One more terrible possibility.

Because, inevitably, the question would come up.

Discreetly or mockingly or maybe even (hopefully not) seriously.

And if it was serious then there would be concern or worry in their voice.

_(The thought made him cringe because that made everything just so much worse.)_

Scott knew that if someone knew his feelings then they'd ask in some form.

_You didn't... you didn't hope you'd stay dead, right?_

_You're kidding me right? Don't tell me you wish you didn't come back... Scott?_

_Do you want to be dead?_

The simple answer was 'No.'

Or maybe 'Of course not!'

And then laughing because the absurd thought.

But Scott McCall wasn't a liar, which was lucky considering half his friends _(were they still his friends?_ ) would've heard his heart jump.

Even if he tried he couldn't make himself lie for this.

Not about this.

So Scott wouldn't of been able to give them an answer, not a real one.

Because he didn't have one.

And, when he thought about it, that was all the answer they would need.

So, in the end, it was a good thing they never asked.

_Wasn't it?_

**Author's Note:**

> So the reason I wrote this is because I love Scott McCall and I've been feeling so bad for him so this just sorta happened. Especially after the last two episodes I need someone to actually bring this up or reference it because it'd really piss me off if they gloss over it. I liked the fact they showed him passing out and the wound not healing because after all that happened to him it needs to show that he is not okay. What I'd really honestly like is if someone actually took notice of either his wound (or maybe him passing out in front of them?) just for someone to take notice and ask him if he's all right and for Scott to actually admit that he isn't. Parish tried asking him but either Scott lied or was too preoccupied with Lydia's state to answer. I don't really remember but that needs to happen again with someone like Malia, Liam or Stiles. Especially Stiles actually, because what I've really been wanting to see for the past few months in Stiles get pissed at Theo for killing Scott. I hate that they didn't show his actual reaction to the news. I'm pretty sure Melissa was the one to tell him because I doubt Scott would but I just still need him to punch Theo out for it. Or at least someone to do that, even the Sheriff because that needs to be done.
> 
> Lol sorry for my not-so-little rant but yeah I hope the story wasn't too OOC xD.


End file.
